Photo by mix909 on Unsplash

She drinks beer

She Eats bURGERS

Her SKIN is NATURAL

MAKEUP?

HA! she doesn’t know her!

Breast Implants?

What are THOSE?!

She Doesn’t Shop.

No!

She Plays VIDEO GAMES!

.

.

(i think i am in love!)

Part of my parody poem series. It’s literally all my bad poetry. Some of it is deliberately bad. Some of it I wrote when I thought I could write poetry. Guess what category this belongs to?

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Photo by Ethan Robertson on Unsplash

Would ya be offended if I compared ya to a summer’s day? (Oh screw it, I’ll do it anyway!)

U r nice and temperature

Like a hurricane destroying flowers in May

Summer vacation is much too shortature

The sun burns my flesh and shines

But tans yours so angrily

Eventually summer has to decline

Your bush is trimmed so unchangingly

I guess summer will not die

How I want you forever!

Our parents threaten us oh me oh my

When we shrivel and wrinkle it will be an endeavor

You’d have to be deaf or blind not to realize it

But you’ll live forever in this poem dammit!

Part of my parody poem series. It’s literally all my bad poetry. Some of it is deliberately bad. Some of it I wrote when I thought I could write poetry. Guess what category this belongs to?

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Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash

Her eyes are the color of gold

They most certainly do not remind me of mold

If swimming in melted gold didn’t cause such pain

I would wish to dive into her eyes again

How I love the color of her eyes

They remind me of a winter sunrise

Dear God they make me want to sing

Perhaps I shall take her hand put upon it a ring

One day I will make her my wife

And our marriage will be without such strife

Part of my parody poem series. It’s literally all my bad poetry. Some of it is deliberately bad. Some of it I wrote when I thought I could write poetry. Guess what category this belongs to?

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Photo by Jordan Whitfield on Unsplash

I play the piano

She smokes a cigarette

The room fills with a smoky haze

Just like her eye shadow

I kiss her ruby red lips

She kisses me back

She tastes like an ashtray

I hate it

Part of my parody poem series. It’s literally all my bad poetry. Some of it is deliberately bad. Some of it I wrote when I thought I could write poetry. Guess what category this belongs to?

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Photo by Oziel Gómez on Unsplash

I thought I loved her

Her soft skin

Her beautiful eyes

Her gorgeous hair

But it turns out

I only loved

the

idea

of

her

Part of my parody poem series. It’s literally all my bad poetry. Some of it is deliberately bad. Some of it I wrote when I thought I could write poetry. Guess what category this belongs to?

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Viktor Athelstan

Viktor Athelstan

Known as The Mediaeval Monk on Instagram, Viktor Athelstan writes about medieval monks, magic, and more. On Medium he writes about whatever he wants.